Mumbo Jumbo

I'm Baaaaaaacckkkk!!!!!!!!!!

2005-01-28T01:53:00.000+08:00

Alright.........its been a long-ass time since my last post, which was in November of last year to be precise.......but now I'm back for 2005 ........ filled with more cynicism and sarcasm then ever before!!!

First things first....I think I'll be making some changes to the content of my blog.......I read through some of my old posts and I'll be damned if they don't seem like freaking essays.......so I'll try my best to write smaller,more compact and digestable blog posts this time around....cos it'll be the only way I can even update this blog on a regular basis......don't worry my posts are not gonna start being about mundane everyday stuff that happens to me (Like For e.g : 8.45 am.......I'm still sick and I took a shit and I'm going back to bed now...nitez) and it 's still gonna be filled with the trademark sarcasm everyone loves.......surreal experiences and other weird-ass/ out of this world crap that don't happen to anyone on God's green earth but me.....

So anyways........its been a tiring past few weeks for me.........I've been sick since thursday two weeks ago.........and lemme tell you being sick sucks donkey balls man....luckily I dun fall sick more than twice a year.....but the downside is everytime I fall sick......its gonna last for a good week at least.......

I tell you when I'm sick......my body does some bizarre shit that I have absolutely never experienced before.....here's some of the stuff that's happened to me ........for the first 3 days of being sick....I started having full-blown hallucinations when I sleep at night .......with mathematical equations and numbers literally floating around my head.....and this goes on for like 4 hrs a night for 3 days.......I sleep at 12 am.......hallucinate and stone until 4 am and then i pass out from sheer exhaustion after that.........

Then whenever I go to Bed......I'm literally freezing my butt off when I go to sleep......but every morning when I wake up....my entire set of clothes is drenced with sweat......apparently its a side effect of the medication I have to take.....where it helps you to sweat the fever out.......and boy is taking this medication just before going for classes a BIG mistake........I had one of My business meetings in Blk 72 Level 3-01 and the freaking air condition system in this class is damn effing cold.......so I went to class after ingesting my medication.....and while practically half the class were like huddled and shivering in their sweaters and jackets ......I was sweating like I was in a goddamn sauna........

And Oh yeah........ have I mentioned the constipation part yet??? 6 days......6 MOTHER-EFFING DAYS of not going to the toilet.....lemme tell you if the hallucinations and cold sweating don't drive you nuts.....being constipated for 6 days will......cos feeling like somebody stuck a thumb up ur ass and having a permanent expression on your face that looks like Renee Zellwegger sucking on a goddamn lemon will surely make you beg on ur knees for a quick death......

Of course then there is the obligatory headaches, bad appetite and coughing............but I'm glad to say I'm feeling much better now, after ingesting 5 different kinds of medication and being doped up to my balls everynight for the past 1 week and a half..........I'm finally up and ready to wreak more havoc.......yup....also my nipples are back in the pink of health now...thanks for asking..........the lasting consequences arising out of the fever however was losing like 6 kg of weight and having my waist line goe down by two sizes........so Now I'm like 59 kg with a 27 waistline with some allowance to spare........the scary thing? I weighed exactly 59 kg when I was in sec 3 which either means I am pretty slim now or pretty fat back then.......come to think of it it could also mean that I haven't grown in mass since sec 3...........but I like to think I've grown alittle since sec 3.....especially in the lower anatomical areas....hahaha.....yup ........I'm making myself sick again.......hahaha

So with the whole sickness thing behind me......flashforward to yesterday.......Every marketing student had to come back to school during study week to collect some stupid-ass survey form from stupid-ass Jonas Lee..........goddamn it....this bloody Jackass Jonas is always making me lose money.....everytime he wants to scare us by saying that we should'nt be late and if we're later than him we are marked absent.....so have to force myself to take cab for whatever lessons or meetings my class have with him....and for EVERY freaking meeting or tutorial he will be late like for 45 mins to an hour which basically means I'm practically burning my money taking cab cos he is never on time and there ain't no reason to rush to school.....

This bloody George Lam Lookalike is really useless lar........always cancelling lesssons and making empty threats......so he makes us rush to school at 11 am and he turns up only at 11.45 am with his stack of surveys that is short of a couple of hundred pages.......so we eneded up having to print some the survey forms ourselves.......haiz the freaking survey form consists of 8 pages and you'll have to spend literally half and hour to complete each survey form.....plus we got to do the survey in a door to door style.....and you can't survey any of you own friends,family or relatives.......I wonder who in their right mind will waste half and hour of their lives to do a freaking survey........I gotta do like 11 of this surveys and for some odd reason its stated on my control list that I have to make sure like 5 outta the 11 survey respondents I have are Indians........where in Holy hell am I gonna find so many banglas? Yo.....I got Indian friends but finding five freaking tambhis??! What do You think I am.....some construction site owner or mama store boss?!

Yar and one more thing......boy does Jonas Lee's english stinks to high heaven for someone who is reputedly an extremely experienced Market research manager.......lots of typos and just completely bizarre English in his survey forms......there was this section about Gambling in the survey and one of the question goes like this:

"Have you played in any forms of betting games including those with friends, Fruit machines, illegal bookies or legalised S-league, 4-D ect within the last year?"

Fruit machines???!Fruit machines?!........I wondered what the hell was a fruit machine for a good long while before it hit me.....Its called a Freaking Jackpot machine Jackass Jonas!!!!!!Fruit machines indeed.....yeah....people can gamble with papaya slices and Balls of Rambutan..........fer crying out loud......Jonas Lee seems to think that Grapes is the only picture that appears in a Jackpot machine......well there's also Bells and other pictures You Mustachio monkey!!!

But that wasn't the most laughable one yet......at the back of the survey,there was a demographics section where you had to fill in your personal particulars and in the religion section,there was this peculiar question:

Religion:
1)Buddhist 2)Taoist 3)Moslem
4)Christian 5)Catholic 6)Hindu
7) Others 8) Free Thinker

Moslem?! M-o-s-l-e-m?!!! Is that some new Religion dedicated to Mos Burger fans that I dunno about?!! Jonas......after doing Market research for decades.......you still can't spell the names of one of the world's dominant religions right?!! Oh and when one of the students pointed out this glaring mistake to Jonas........guess what he said?!...."Oh there are different ways to spell Muslim...Moslem also can."..........Yeah effing right Mustache boy, theres only one way to spell Muslim and its M-U-S-L-I-M........there are different ways to pronounce Muslim..... like some poeple pronounce it as "Moose-Lim" or "Mos-lim" but only one way to write the word lar..........oh and if you really wanna be picky......Buddhist,Taoist,Muslim,Christian are'nt the name of the religions lar.....its the name of the practitioners of the religion...its supposed to be Buddhism,Taoism,Islam,Christianity...............so on so Forth....

Imagine if a Muslim spent like Half a effing hour of his life doing a 8 page survey and at the end of the survey they have this crappy question where they got the name of his religion completely wrong....I tell you if I was the person...I would saw off the head of the surveyor on camera or crash my skate-skooter into his home......or I would stuff some Mos burgers sideways up his ass......moslem indeed Jonas......I thinkYour religion is not Moslem....You're MOST-LAME lar!!!!!

Haiz ........another headache coming up.....My Designing Pormotional Materials project presentation is coming and I must come up with a logo,brochure,poster and E-trailer......shit....because next week and this week are study week and test week,there are no DPm lessons ....so the teacher for DPm won't be teaching us anything for this two weeks and when we see him again its time for the project presentation......how I'm gonna be able to pull out an E-trailer from my ass I have no idea......

Aanyways....I managed to squeeze in a movie during this week, I finally watched Kung Fu Hustle on VCD..........and bloody hell,its not very good leh........its not very funny at all like the trailers makes it out to be....and I think there are only like 2 or 3 genuinely funny scenes in the movie and almost all of them are featured in the trailers already....basically this film is just a showcase for old has-been kungfu stars from the old Shaw Brothers movies in the 60's and 70's.........but one of the characters in the movie reminds me of one of my friends.......the super-powerful landlady in her pyjamas who's super fierce,likes to beat people up and has this huge,earth-shaking voice..........hmmmmmm.......whoever could this character remind me of?!!...........I WEN tell you who it is now....ask me again in the month of JUNe..........hahhahahaha.....

Got my service marketing management common test next week....and I gotta say its been nice having an entire week just to study for one common test.......well that's about it from me for now.........looking back at this post, I must say....I've failed in revamping the content of my blog........it still looks like a freaking essay......oh well Maybe next time.......I promise that the word count for my next post will be below.....hmmmmm......500 words?!hahahha........

Birthday Bash....and I do mean BASH!!

2004-11-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

It's been a pretty long while since my last post...you know after the incident with my uncle Ben...I was kinda glad in a way....I was thinking...wow...the most embarrassing thing has already happened to me...I've seen the worst...things can only get better for me right?Ain't no nothing more emabarrassing that can happen correct?Nothing can top the awkward incident wif my uncle.....right??Right?!Right dear sweet God??!!...............WRONG.........Leave it to My dear buddies(Ha!) and pals(Ha!) in TBO3 to prove to me that there are still new Frontiers of personal embarassment that I have yet to encounter...... hahaha

Let me try to recall the surreal and traumatic incident yesterday as best as I can.....cos I'm still recovering from having my head smashed into a whole cheese cake at 60 km/per hr while being filmed by some bangla camera man from Channel News Asia...........TWICE!!....but I'm fine.....the doctor said I'll be okay....just some slight amnesia....he said that the memory loss from the concussion wun be too great...I'll just lose maybe the past 10 years worth of memories........whenever I look at my list of friends in Friendster.com...I can't seem to remember 3/4 of the people listed.....weird......in fact I can't seem to remember why I have hair in my armpits and other parts of my body.......it wasn't there the last time I remembered......strange.....

Anyway yesterday on the 22nd of November.....my "Dear" friends decided to throw me a birthday bash in advance for my twentieth birthday.....haha...little did I suspect that when they said "Birthday Bash"......they really mean "Birthday Bash" with a very heavy emphasis placed on the "Bash" part....%$&@@*

The Thing was held at Fish and Co at Park Mall.....and I arrived well You know just a wee bit late for the gathering...and as usual my wonderful friend Wenjun began calling my handphone off the hook and bugging me to get to park mall as soon as possible ....for the whole journey...all the way from one end of the expressway to the other.........I gotta said Wenjun has one of the most amazing voices I have ever heard.....and when I said amazing.....I dun mean she sounds like Shania twain or Alicia Keys....I mean its amazing that even though I set my handphone volume at the minimum level....her voice still manages to break the sound barrier and be loud enough for the person beside me to hear her......amazing........You know everytime I want to know what a live Rock concert sounds like...I just switch my HP voume to maximum when I'm talking to her on the phone......ahhahahah......alright I think I better stop.....I sense more pain coming my way the next time I meet her.....hi wenjun...please put down the fila bag slowly...hahhaa

So I finally got there and My "dear"" sweet" and "wonderful" pals Felix,Candy,Wenjun,Huiling,Geraldine,Peishan,Mixin and Rainbow were waiting for me......and I sat my butt down,chatted wif them,made fun of indians and fat CEOs and shared this big ass seafood platter with Felix ........all the while completely blissfully unaware of the fate that awaited me......

After dinner........my nightmare began...the staff from Fish and Co brought out the Birthday Cake and then you know I had to go through some bizarre Birthday ritual where I have to stand on the chair,hold a lighted sparkler and try to extinguish the candles standing on the chair while the staff at Fish and Co ,led by this fat bangla boy who looked like he's been eating one too many seafood platters, sang this birthday rhyme thing that sounded like something outta an episode of Barney and friends at the top of their voice in front of a restaurant full of people........ but still that was all fine and good........ that was small potatoes compared to what happened next...hahaha...

After I blew out the candles....my "pals" told me to pick the candles off the cake wif my mouth and the next thing i know........my whole effing big fat head was smashed into the cheescake sumo style.......and den while i was barely conscious....I heard voices in the background muttering really nice and reassuring stuff like"His face got not enough cake!!!"..."smash him again!!".........and I had one second to wonder aloud:"with friends like this...who needs enemies??" before my head was smashed a second time.....this time twice as hard into the remains of the already smashed-up cheese cake......yes Huiling!!Hi buddy o' mine!...I'm talking about you......

Ah....Wonderful Huiling........the nice-tempered and harmless girl who I thought was incapable of any stuff of a violent nature proved me wrong.....hahhaha....she's been accumalating all her rage for the past two years and unleashed every last bit of it on me last nite..hahahhaa......I wonder how come she got so much rage in her???I wonder what did I do to her??hmmmmmm......was it my constant ridiculing of her Operations management part in our ECD project last year??was it me disturbing her and her classmate zhifeng and Andre's swirling six packs every time I see her??Was it me making fun of her bad english and hokkien?? Was it because I called her a sucker over and over again???For the life of me....I can't remember what I did to her............hahahaha.....

So Two years worth of rage and anger coursed through her arms as she did a 60 km/per hr WWF stone cold stunner on my face right onto the cake......smashing the rest of the cake into smithereens!!! Using my freaking face I might add!!!........after that....after that....erm...I'm not sure what happened....I could see a bright light......my life flashing across my eyes......then the world went dark.....

When I opened my cake-covered eyes...... all of them were laughing....I had cheescake smeared all over my face and hair....and I noticed that something was poking my ass on the chair......So I reached down and dug the thing out.....and when I saw my hands...it was covered in a red sticky liquid......For a second I thought that my lower anatomical area was bleeding...but then I remembered I ain't got no monthly periods.....it was actually a lump of cherries coated with some red sticky syrup from the cake that had somehow flew onto my chair after my head was smashed into the cake.........and yes.....I really wish I was joking......but I'm not...hahhahaa

Then wonderful Geraldine asked me:" Aye Barry.....How come you so stupid....why dun You use the cake to smear us when we smashed your head in the cake??"............Hmmmmm.....I dunno why dear Geraldine.....hmmmmmm....COULD IT BE BECAUSE I ALREADY BU XING REN SHI AFTER BEING SMASHED TWICE??!....hahhahaha

And the most paiseh part?? ....No it wasn't the whole part where I had to stand on the chair with some sparkler while the floor staff of Fish and Co sang some birthday rhyme to me at the top of their voice.....and no ....It wasn't because I got my face smashed into a cheese cake in a public place and in front of a restaurant packed full of people......it was because the whole damn incident was caught on film by some camera man from Channel NewsAsia!!!......Due to some cruel twist of fate or some super unfortunate case of serendipity......a film crew from Channel NewsAsia were filming some Birthday related documentary thingy at Fish and Co at the exact same freaking day ,same freaking place and same freaking time period that we were celebrating my birthday............yes ....even I wouldn't have believed something like this could happen in real life before ........well....It Happened to me!!!

I thought these bizarre,over-the-top stuff could only happen in Comedies or situational sitcoms like Seinfeld or Frasier.........it could'nt possibly happen to someone in real life could it........it sounds too implausible right??........well.....I was wrong......damn wrong..hahhaah.....in fact Channel Newsasia's live video footage of the incident is living proof of me being wrong !!!!haha..............as if getting cake smeared all over your face in a public place once wasn't bad enough....now I get to re-live that one traumatic moment again and again after it airs .....you know.......ON NATIONAL TV!!!Boy!!!what a way to make my silver screen debut!!!hahhahaa........well I guess that's life......more specifically my weird-ass life!!!

I wonder what in the world are they gonna use the head-smashing footage for?? Some local documentary on the increase of teen violence in today's society or some tv special on victims of teen abuse??I can already imagine myself being in some darkly-litted room with my face obscured in shadows being interviewed by Diana Ser about my traumatic teenage experiences......"Yes Diana....when I was 20 yrs old....I was physically and mentally abused by a group of girls and a guy...but now I have come out of the shadow of that traumatic incident after years of extensive therapy and anti-depressants."...hahahhaa...

Wah Lau....I'm still reeling from the experience man..........God can you please tell me whether this is gonna be the most embarrassing experience for me??Cos if its not....and I have more embarassing things to look forward to ...den I dun think I can carry on in life......I'll...I'll finish myself off by ...by.....throwing myself towards an oncoming Lorraine Ow when she's running for her 2.4 nafa test......cos if that doesn't kill me...nothing will!!!!!! ..........Lorraine+ running= instant death for any passerbys....haha

After the whole fiasco at Fish and Co.....I begun smelling really weird and stinky.....like regurgitated milk....turns out that when u get cheese cake smashed all over you...the ingredients in the cake coalesce and mix to produce an aroma I would describe as a cross between fresh vomit and overnight dick cheese...hahaha.......even after I washed up in the toilet the stinky smell still lingered.....my hair especially smelt real bad like I washed it using Rejoice essence of Puke shampoo and conditioner........phhhewwwww......

Wow man.......I tell you I nearly fainted from the smell myself......ahhahaha.....anyway after eating at Fish and Co....all of us decided to get a drink and chit chat...except Candy cos she was meeting her boyfriend.......we later met both of them while walking from Park mall towards Plaza Singapura and began teasing candy...hahaha...in the end we ended up drinking at Coffee express....where everyone got a wonderful free drink courtesy of Moi!!!The kindest,most generous soul on God's green Earth....Being the kind and forgiving fella and the living reincarnation of mother theresa that I am....I bought everyone a drink..even though they ganged up to make me helluva malu.........hahaha....what can I say? I was born kind.....

At the end of the day...I spent more than $80 bucks in one day....$30 for my dinner at Fish and Co and almost $50 on drinks.......on the first day of the week I must add!!!....Leaving me a broken,bleeding,battered and just plain broke man...hahhahaa

Later on I opened up the huge box of presents that they bought me...and got a good laugh..hahaha....they gave me a weird,eclectic and quirky mix of stuff that have nothing t do with each other..haha....some of which I dunno what to do with at all...heres a list of what the Box contained:

1) A red T-shirth with a picture of two sentient nuts with a tagline saying"Large Nuts for your enjoyment" - although I dun really fancy red...I really like the tagline....they got the large nuts part about me completely correct...hahaha

2) A simpsons vcd - Haha....Good stuff..I watched the vcd already yesterday....ain't nothing like seeing Homer simpson strangling his son and drinking ungodly amounts of beer to brighten up anybody's day!!

3) A "Gay" accent spray - Apparently spraying this thing on me is gonna make me gay.....and when I said gay...I dun mean the happy kinda gay.....I mean the take it up the butt homo style kinda gay.....

4) Strawberry lotion from Body Shop - wow.....This item I really dunno what to do with....what issit for??Jacking off strawberry style??hahaha..... Lubrication for the painful butt action I'll be receiving after I spray myself with the Gay Spray??! Or am I supposed to drink the whole bottle of lotion to end my shame after I see myself getting smashed onto a cake on national tv??......I get the feeling I'll be using it for the last option stated pretty soon...hahah

5) A bag of Chupa Chups - I gotta say this is the perfect gift for my current situation...after I blew $80 bucks on monday...I'll be surviving on Chupa Chups for the rest of the week.....a stick of Chupa chups for breakfast,lunch and dinner each.......well I guess its at least better than eating air....

6) A Birthday card - cool stuff.......the birthday greetings in the card included really kind and thoughtful things such as "Hey hairy man...stay hairy!!..."Buy more vcds!!" ......"How does it feel to be old and a sucker too??!!"..... and "20 yr old already and still like a kid!!".............thanks guys you really make a guy feel loved.....I feel like a childish,20 year old ,half-ape/half-man creature that smuggles vcd.....hahah.....

7) A Lamborgini Gallardo - Yeah You heard me!!!My bestest buddies bought me a freaking Lamborghini.....I love u guys!!!!......woohoo!!...Now all I gotta do is to find some way to shrink myself to the size of a toe nail clipping or a booger and I'll be able to fit inside the car!!!!!....cool stuff!!!hahahahaha...

Hahahha...awwwwwww.....are'nt you guys the sweeeeeeeeeeeeeetest??hahaha.......so I would like to say a big THANK YOU !!!!!

To Wenjun,Huiling,Felix,Candy,Mixin,Rainbow,Peishan,Geraldine and the rest of you fellas!!! Sure even though I got embarassed,nagged,smashed,bashed and ridiculed in front of National TV and ended up paying for my own freaking meal plus service charge...and spent every last drop of my money for the next two weeks...hahahhaa....its the thought that counts isn't it.....even if it happens to be some super evil,nasty thoughts.......hahhaha.....

So just to show you how grateful I am to all of you....I promise I'm gonna repay all your "kindness" a thousand fold for your individual Birthdays!!!!I promise that each and every one of you on my victims...errr....I mean Friends list is gonna have a smaaaaaaashing Good time for your upcoming birthdays!!!! .........Yessir!!! its gonna be so enjoyable that by the time I'm done with you guys....all of you are gonna need extensive reconstructive cosmetic surgery!!.....cheek implants,eye brow lifts,nose jobs and silicone chin replacements.......the whole works!!......Hell!!!screw that.....You're probably gonna need a new face by the time I'm done with you fellas!!!.........oh yeah........Payback time!!!!!!

You know ...I made a birthday wish this year......and my birthday wish is...........I don't want no more birthday celebrations EVER again!!!!!Help!!!!!!!!!!hahhaha.....its ok the next time I ask you guys why your never celebrate my birthday...just ignore me or show me the Channel News Aasia footage and you'll hear me bitch ever again......haha.....

Alright.......I spent too much time typing this effing post......hungry liao......time for dinner......wow I'm really spolit for choice...so many to choose from....Strawberry flavored Chupa Chup,Vanilla Flavored chupa chup,Cola flavored Chupa Chup or chocolate and banana chupa chup.....Instant chronic Diabetes Here I come!!!!!hahhaha

Meet My Uncle Ben...........

2004-10-22T01:53:00.000+08:00

Alright....let's talk about Uncle Ben....

Spider-man has an Uncle Ben.....You know that wise,kind,old fart who got his wrinkled ass shot by a Burglar.............well I have an Uncle Ben of my own too...

Is My uncle Ben... a kind old fella who is endlessly nice to his nephew and someone who comes up with all sorts of cool ass tag lines like "with great power...comes great responsibilty"??........HA!!....I wish...

Now My uncle Ben(short for Benny) ........the husband of my mum's sister....is what I would call an "Acquired taste"....which means that if you know him long enough...you'll grow to accept the fact that he behaves the way he does....and it can't be helped(without intensive pychological therapy that is)........but if you dunno him at all...you would most likely open a major can of whup-ass on him for all his nonsensical antics.....

You think I'm crappy.....den you ain't seen anything yet....My uncle is a like 45 years old,a devout christian and someone who excels at asking really awkward questions at huge family gatherings that makes everyone both young and old damn pai seh and awkward.....I swear he does really weird,nonsensical stuff everytime I see him...

Like for My father's birthday,he heard about the incident about my dad spotting the bible near my bedside and looking absolutely shocked...so being a devout Christian....he told my dad that he wanted to help him see the light and the error of his ways....so he gave my father a "Gospel of John" DVD for his birthday and told my aunty to take a photo of him presenting the DVD to my father like some diploma because he said he wanted to frame up the picture of my father's expression after seeing his present......riiiight....

But that above incident is just small potatoes to him......he's capable of infinitely more wonderfully excruciating stuff.....as I soon found out....

Case in Point: We had a farewell Family dinner last saturday for myAunty who was leaving for New zealand on Sunday......and you'll never believe the shit that happened......to me.....dammit!!

We had dinner at Tiong Bahru...one of the famous seafood restaurants and after the dinner as usual....my family members and relatives began talking and catching up with each other....so i was Studying my E-marketing notes in a nice corner cos my exam was on monday.....and then my dear Uncle Benny comes walking over to my side....with a wide grin on his face which basically meant that I was gonna be in deep shit......

So this is how our conversation went:

Uncle Benny: "Hi ...wow long time haven't seen you.....come...Uncle Benny like to have a chat with you"

Me: "....... oh shit........ Ok sure!!"

Uncle Ben: " So how ....are you attached?"

Me: "Yar...haha...I'm currently attached....to my E-marketing notes...I am with them every minute of the day and I think abt them night and day without fail."

Uncle Ben: " Hahaha....let Uncle Benny teach you some things about love....firstly you must believe that Love is pure.......I'm a christian so I believe in the purity of love....you must believe in it too....your parents are good examples of a couple in love....you should learn from them."

Me: "....okay......"

Uncle Ben: " You must use your parents as a good role model and example....you must learn from them,you must believe that their love is pure,that your mum is the first woman your father fell in love with,that your Dad is the first man your mother fell in love with and that your parent's love is pure......that...they never had pre-marital sex before marriage."

Me:( "Holy shit ...please dear god tell me I did'nt hear just what I heard" expression on my face)

DIAO!!!!! Lord almighty.....He said that to me in front of my parents and all my uncles and aunties........My mum and Dad were left absolutely dumbfounded....and my aunties and uncles were like staring at both of us in quiet horror...I tell you ...I really hoped at that moment a burglar would just come outta the shadows like in the Spider-man movie and pop two bullets in my uncle's ass...or at the very least grant me a quick painless death right then and there....so then.....

*Dad looks at me speechlessly*

* I look at Dad speechlessly*

* Long awkward silence..........*

After that......my Dad and mum slowly and subtlely made their way to the other table of family relatives as if some imaginary voices were calling them from the other table ...leaving me all slone at the mercy of my uncle.....

Now Let me clarify something....I think Sex is a great topic...its fantastic,good stuff.....entertaining and fun......when you're discussing it with friends or something......but Sex+ Parents??? those are two words that I would very much like to never hear in the same sentence for lets say.....The rest of my freaking life!!!!!Shit......it just absolutely,positively grosses me out.....Its big effing' no no!!! I dun wanna talk about it,I dun even wanna think about it!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH.......I know I said the Roy singing is the scariest shit I've ever encountered..I take my words back.....Sex+ Parents wins hands down!!!!Scares the hell outta me...the merest mention of those two words make me wanna take forty showers to scrub away any bad mental imagery conjured by those two words....

Oh Fer crying out loud!!!Yes Dear Lord!!...yes!!...I've read My civics and Moral textbook in sec school..I've seen monkeys getting jiggy wif it in the discovery channel...I know that parents have to do something funny before they can concieve a child a long effing' time ago...oh but why oh why could'nt you just let me live in the fantasy world I created where my parents,my childhood paragons of virtue, never did anything even REMOTELY of any sexual nature...and that I was some test-tube baby, or...or...or... I was some divine conception from above......or better yet some baby bundled up and delivered to my parents by a giant King Fisher....OH WHY must you shatter my self created fantasy world .....Oh why Uncle Benny!??!??!........WHHHHHHHYYY??!

Ok end of rant <* deleting key words "parents" and "sex" from memory data banks://Re-installing fantasy "No sex for parents program complete*>...ok anyway after that extremely awkward moment....was the worst for me over yet??......N-freaking-O.....NO!!!

Dear old Uncle Ben continued making me feel like the most awkward sonuvagun to walk the face of the earth in front of my relatives.....

Uncle Ben:" Do You smoke?"

Me: "No......"

Uncle Ben:" Do you drink?"

Me:"No..."

Uncle Ben:" Do you want to have pre-marital sex before marriage?"

Me: "............"( "Help me God...pls end this torture" expression on my face)

After that last question my uncle called for my aunty to come over from the other table.....

Uncle Ben: " Amy come over here...wah...I really like this fella,he's a very good boy....he don't smoke,he don't drink and he said he won't have pre-marital sex!"

Me: " wait.....I did'nt say anything..."

Uncle Ben(at the top of his voice): " WHAT?!YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO HAVE PRE-MARITAL SEX??!"

DIAO!!!DIAO!!!!DIAO!!!!...............My aunty like my parents before her was left completely speechless and walked back towards her table as if some imaginary voice was calling her too...careful not to make any eye contact with my uncle and me......not only that....but guess wat, although My parents were'nt at the table...all my aunts and uncles were still there!!!...every...single....one...of them.....

Thank all the saints above that all my relatives began dispersing soon after that and I made very certain I kept at least 25 feet away from my uncle when everybody was walking towards their vehicles at the parking lot....

You know......sometimes I really wonder about life.....more specifically I wonder about all the weird-ass shit that happens to me on a regular basis in my life.......why can't I have an uncle who comes up with cool stuff like"with great powers come great responsibilty.".....instead one who comes up with stuff like"You must believe your parents never had premarital sex!!"........

Ahhhhh.......But I have to admit,he's truly made a believer out of me......because the next time I see him at a family gathering......You'll see me really praying to God...... I will be praying damn hard to God he stays far away from me!!!.....hahhaha

The Death of a Superman

2004-10-12T01:03:00.000+08:00

Just wanted to update my blog with a short post dedicated to the Late,Great .....Christopher Reeve.....becos I gotta get back to my exam revision again.....sian...

Anyway I heard the news early this morning that Christopher Reeve.....Superman himself has passed away.Apparently he had a cardiac arrest on Saturday,fell into a coma afterwards and died on Sunday,at the age of 52.........so sad.....

For those of you who don't know him...hmmmm...which I guess is practically everyone!!.....Christopher Reeve first rose to fame Playing Superman in the 1978 Superman movie and if you people seen Smallville.....he played the wheelchair-bound Dr Swann, sorta of a mentor/friend of Clak Kent......

Anyway....I just watched the 1978 Superman movie after I heard the news of his death after watching the movie......I realised that it could have been such a big disaster without Christopher Reeve......he made you forget the fact that dressing up in a yellow,blue and red suit with your underwear on the outside is just plain dumb and silly......he brought such presence and charm to his role that throughout the film that you won'treally mind or bother that he is wearing his underwear outside and I think that's no easy feat......

Not every actor can do that....you put some actor without the charisma and respectability in the Superman suit....he'll just look like some retarded cosplay/super-hero-fetish gay bunny....but Christopher Reeves actually wore the suit and made you believe that he was Superman....with his jet-black hair ,his trademark curl and his wonderful blue eyes.....

I don't think any actor really embodied a Comic Character as well as Christopher Reeve....he was a unknown actor who appeared out of nowhere and became the perfect physical embodiment of Superman.....he looks like he walked off the page of a comicbook..I can't imagine anyone else but him as Superman....

Years later, he became paralyzed from the neck down after a serious horse-riding accident in 1995...where he was thrown off his horse.....He spent the next 9 years of his life trying to overcome paralysis and he made some really impressive improvements.....after a few years he had regained feeling of one of his index fingers and could breathe and speak without the use of a respirator that made him sound like Darth Vader with a bad case of asthma....his only wish that he would been eventually be able to walk normally again,on his own.... with his family...

It's sad that We will never be able to see him walk again......he was making a lot of physical improvements and I was expecting him to walk again one day because somewhere deep down, you always felt like Superman doesn't get beaten. This wasn't part of the script. The fact that he's lived nine years after what would have been, to anyone else, a fatal accident shows how much spirit the guy had and how passionate he was about getting his life back..............

Pheww....I never sounded so serious in my life...hahhaa....yes....It's all true I'm a really compassionate person....really I am....especially to people in colorful tights and capes...

So dearly Beloved.....lets have a moment of silence for Christopher Reeve.....hey wait a minute...I...I....I ain't no Christian...alright screw the moment of silence thingy!!It's okay....just wear your red underwear outside your pants in remembrance of him....that'll be enough..

Anyway.....The Tagline for the 1978 Movie was " This summer.....You'll believe a man can Fly."

I would like to dedicate this post to Christopher Reeve who made us believe that a man can fly.

RIP Superman!!!

Christopher Reeve (1952- 2004)

PS.....Stop looking at his portruding crotch area pls!!!

Update Time!!

2004-09-16T20:11:00.000+08:00

Haven't updated my blog for a while....been pretty darn busy these past few days....

Finally Went through my IBS second call last friday.....what a relieve...finally it's over and done with!!...well...until the third and final call that is....surprisingly things went quite smoothly,Mr Chua was pretty sane and not too obnoxious throughout the second call and he said he liked my demonstration alot.......I brought two thermal flasks of freshly brewed coffee(one was brewed from "My company's" arabica coffee beans and the other was brewed from my "Competitor's" beans) and ziplock bags of coffee beans and coffee powder for my demonstration....where I conducted a taste and smell taste.....

But guess what?That fella did'nt take a drop of coffee that I brought...he just whiffed the two cups of coffee I poured him and was pretty impressed by the aroma.....wah kao...waste my time brewing the two flasks of coffee and buying such expensive coffee beans($35 per kg!!)........so in the end,after I finished my presentation...I had to clear my products from his table and to poured down two freaking cups of hot coffee into my mouth.....Simultaneously I must add!!! since the other guy was waiting outside liao cos my presentation over shot the time limit.......haiz but at least got a "B+"....which is the best grade Chua is willing to give his students...

After IBS, I caught a movie in town with Felix,Wenjun and Huiling......we wanted to watch "13 going on 30" but then limited seats left and only certain theatres were playing the movie....so we caught "The Terminal" instead.......

I thought it was gonna be a fairly long and boring movie...but surprisingly it was pretty good.....funny,touching and entertaining.....and lots of humorous bits throughout the film....Tom Hanks's acting was great.....funny,charming and he does a pretty good quasi-russian accent....and Catherine Zeta Jones was as lovely as ever......but I gotta say the greatest,coolest Break-out character from the film was that damn bangla cleaner......Gupta!!He was Spouting conspiracy theories,running after planes with a mop stick, hatching evil schemes to make passengers slip and fall and juggling plates too......that black mofo was pure comedy gold man!!!

All in all a pretty good film.......everything tied up in a neat and sweet manner in the end....although Tom hanks got trapped for 9 months in an airport....he still managed to score some hot krakozian-styled action with Catherine Zeta Jones....if that's not a happy story...I dunno what is!!Hell....that's a pretty damn good deal if you ask me....where can I sign up?!

As for this week.....been a tough week man....

Had to take my Market Research Common test on Monday....set by super-slacker and professional George Lam impersonator...Jonas Lee.The Paper was damn hard man....I did'nt know what the hell was going on half of the time.....and the worse part is...The test constitutes 30% of our final grade....and there won't be any retest!!!.......crap on a stick....later on when I told him the test was damn difficult...he just gave a sly smile...you know...the kind of "Siao Ren" smile when his eyes goes all small and beady and his mustache curls up evilly.........damn lar hope that George Lam lookalike falls into a hole or something...

Then on wednesday.....came the Sales Management quiz during our SM lecture......thank the stars above that the SM quiz turned out much,much,much better than the MR common test......everything went quite well for the quiz....plus the best part of the lecture was when Koh Cheng Mun showed everybody that she actually had a sense of humor..for once....but of course her jokes are those subtle,sarcastic kind lar....and she told it with a completely serious and emotionless face......hey....wait a minute...she kinda reminds me........of........of..............ME!!!Shit.....now that's a scary thought.....

Oh and My Father's fiftieth Birthday is coming.........yes its the big Five-O!!Half a century old......wow.....time really flies.....I can still remember when he was much younger,in his early thirties.....now my father is a fairly big guy...not those super over-weight type....but those type with broad shoulders,solid thick frame and a pretty imposing figure ..........when I was five or six yrs old....he just seemed like hugest most indestructible person ever.....like Shrek or something!!sometimes when he came back from work, he would take his shirt off,lie flat on his back and he would ask me to massage him by standing on top of his back and walk up and down his back.....(You know...like what those Thai Masseuse do in massage parlors)...wow and I would be walking up and down the back of this gigantic person like I was on some human treadmill or something......and he even paid me one buck for very half and hour back-walking session....cool...one buck........thanks Dad....I would be able to open my own massage centre in maybe ......two centuries or so....

His Birthday is on October ....so now I'm cracking my head for what to get my father on his birthday.......I must get him something presentable, fairly expensive,appealing to him and something symbolic that fits the occasion.....there's one problem.....I can't figure out what that something is!! Haiz...at least I got a few more weeks to think about it.........3 decades of working,almost 7 days a week up to this day....must get something good for him........I know...Lunch at Jack's place!!no.......alittle cheap skate ......An Ang Bao!!...nope.....how stupifyingly unoriginal....damn buying presents is not my area of expertise....

I think I'm gonna make him a card though....I made an X-men card for my mum on her birthday.....did a super detailed drawing of Wolverine with every little strand of facial hair carefully drawn in.....but my mum seems confused by my card design though....she asked me:"How come there's this hairy looking creature with claws in the card saying Happy Birthday to me.....who is he??!!".........hahha....haiz I got some unused A4 drawings of SpongeBob Squarepants,Forever Friends bears,Dee Dee from Dexter's laboratory and Power Puff girls..for the Valentine cards I'm probably never gonna make for my friends...hahahha.....maybe I can recycle those drawings......wonder how my father will react to receiving a Spongbob Squarepants Birthday card for his 50th birthday??.......Dis-own me maybe...hahahaha

Alright that's enough rambling.....my Friends been telling me that my blog posts are damn bloody long....so I looked through my posts and true enough...all my posts are like freaking mini-essays or something........yo man...I provide people with Better value for their money...more bang for your buck than any other blog!!!!!.......where else could you read about the exciting adventures and exploits of characters like Poop Face and Chua Monkey......I'm like the Aunty Aggie of all blogs!!haha....

IBS=Interactive Bull Shit

2004-09-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

My IBS teacher sucks....

You thought Mrs Koh's black face or Gilbert's Constant nipple scratching and pants pulling or Henry Koh's flair for the dramatic was bad......then you ain't seen anything yet. They all pale in comparison to my IBS teacher......Mr. CMK.....Lord almighty...he's the strictest IBS teacher of ALL!!

Now Mr CMK looks like your average Parliament Member....you know....formally dressed,nice neat hair,specs...respectable look and everything....but appearances can be deceiving cos you'll never believe the crap that comes out of his mouth man...

Dun Get me wrong...his lessons are quite okay and enjoyable at times...but he's the most bloody picky and difficult IBS teacher to deal with....First of all this guy started his reign of terror early on in the term...when we submitted the products that we wanted to sell.....guess wat he did?He rejected 18 0ut of 20 products that my class wanted to sell him....he told us that he did'nt want us to sell any type of services or completed product...,he wanted us to sell intermediate products that were components of a final product....so for e.g....you could'nt sell a bicycle but you could sell him bicycle wheels.....and when we asked him for suggestions he told us why don't we sell him horse shoes and fire-proof doors.......yeah....good thinking dude.....we could Reaaaaaaaaally talk alot about a piece of metal and a block of wood...

Then when IBS 1st call came...wow.....boy did that fella make things difficult.

First of all Chua monkee did not allow us to make any small talk at all......secondly he bombarded us with so many questions that we had to virtually cut him off in order to be able to ask him any questions....some of the people who came after me got even worse treatment....the moment they walked into the classroom .....he told them:"I'm damn busy...my client is waiting outside for me now."....so they had to really rush through their first call like nobody's business.....he told us all "For the 2nd call....I'm gonna start objecting the moment you enter.,...right to the time you leave the class."..........wow.......thanks a whole lot.....!!!

So Yesterday was the rehearsal for the 2nd call....and right off the bat, he wrote down 15 objections that he was gonna use on us and the objections he gave us were some of the most chiar lat and ridiculous stuff ever......the kind of objections that you would'nt remotely be able to overcome man....

Here's my favorite objections he used....

I'm selling Coffee Beans for my IBS so....guess what his objection was....he said "Oh You're selling coffee beans....that's great...but I changed my mind...I'm not going to sell coffee already...I'm selling Tea now."

One of my classmates was selling Beds and he said "I'm sorry ...I had bad experiences wif your company products...one of my patients slept on your bed and it caved in on him and now he's completely paralysed."

Another fella sold Water filtration systems that could produce calcium ions that facilitated the absorbtion of medicine for patients in hospitals......and Dear Old Mr Chua told her:"Oh Calcium ions.....ok....but I think having too much calcium is bad...later my kidney grow stones."

Somebody was trying to sell him bicycles and Mr Chua made him explain a whole lot of stuff then at the end of everything,he said"Oh I like your product...but I'm sorry I don't have the authority to make any prchases...it's my boss who makes this kind of decisions."...so the guy asked him"Can I set up a meeting wif your boss" and Mr Chua Replied:" My Boss is in Russia......he'll be there for the next 10 years or so.."

Poop Face was selling diapers..hahha...and Mr.Chua did something good for once.....he gave her a really ridiculous objection that left her comepletely stumped.....he told her:" I don't want to buy your diapers...I want to save cost....I think I'm just going to place all our babies naked on mattresses and let them shit and urine...that way It'll be easier for my hospital's nurses to see when the babies mess themselves..."

Can You believe that he actually said that??! He really comes up with the most nonsensical stuff you could ever think of and makes it nearly impossible to answer such stuff.......

Wow and when he objects about your product price...dun ever ask him waht is his ideal price, the girl selling mattresses got a price objection and asked him what was the price he wanted...He told her:"5 cents....and we're also looking for some charitable companies to supply us with beds for free so maybe you could help donate some"

The best part of all...he asked me what Am I gonna bring to show him for the demonstration in the second call....I said I would bring coffee in 3 different forms...coffee beans,Coffee powder and actual coffee where I will be doing a small taste test with him...he said"That's great...but when I drink your coffee...I will tell you that its sour!"

I tell you man......everybody with the surname Chua is damn chiar lat......always so difficult to handle!!hahaha

As For Today...its a boring day lar.....My parents went to Johor for my father's manager house warming party and I spent the whole day watching vcds!!Wah yesterday I bought this super hard to find movie starring Ling Jia Xin......its called tiramisu and it stars Nicholas Tse too.....got it for $2.90 only...that Ling jia xin is so adorable man......great smile,dimples and she's got those nice petite and meatier body types.....not the super paper thin,anorexic shape that so many actresses have...

I noticed a sad trend with Lin Jia Xin movies I've watched......she's this really cute,bubbly sun shine girl type but her roles are always super depressing and dun showcase her bubby personality......In Inner senses(starring Leslie Chung)...she's this girl whith mental problems and who sees ghosts all the time, in Koma(Starring Lian Jing Ru)...She's a psycho,kidney-stealing serial killer,in Tiramisu(Starring Nicholas Tse)..she pays a dancer who dies in the first 20 mins of the movie and becomes a wandering(but cute) ghost....and in The Floating Landscape(Starring Ekin Cheng) she plays a depressed girl who's boyfriend just died.......sad lar.......she's never happy in all those movies..always sad and stuff...

3 more movies and I would have watched every Ling Jia Xin Movie liao......the only 3 movies left are July Rhapsody, Truth or Dare:6th Floor rear Flat and Heroic Duo.....I already found them at IMM,jurong East and Bukit Panjang Plaza respectively.......hmmmmm.....maybe I'll buy them when I have spare cash.......Oh,Oh...and her new movie Super Model is coming out!!Must buy!!!...............alright i'm sounding like some idol-chasing primary school kid.........so I'll stop now....but she....she.....she's really so cccuuuuute.....hahaha

Haiz....wonder what time my folks gonna come back......gonna go eat my Crab Meat and Mushroom Fettucine I cooked just now...finish watching Tiramisu....and thinking nice,warm thoughts about Karena lam...hahaa....forget that last part.....

Bits and pieces

2004-09-02T22:53:00.000+08:00

Tiring week for me so far.....

First of all....had to do the super long and tiring door to door survey for my market research module on Tuesday......25 door to door surveys to complete,plus another 5 e-mail surveys.....Went to clementi to do my survey and spent a mindnumbing 7 hrs doing the bloody thing....that's 7 hrs of my life I'm never getting back....

I went door to door, walked every single level for 7 freaking blks........just to complete 25 survey forms.....never smiled and talked so politely for such a long period of time before.....Haiz....lots of unhelpful people in Clementi......ain't nobody wanna do no stinking 3 page survey on tupperware....I probably heard the word "No" maybe ....hmmm....675 times for the duration of the 7 hrs spent on the survey!!!

Here's my favorite excuse for not doing the survey that I heard.....I approached this indian guy and asked him if he wanted to do a short survey on tupperware.......guess wat that bangla said??.......he looked at me blankly and said in perfect English:" I'm Sorry....I don't understand English.".........hmmmmm......you don't understand English huh....I see....so what the hell did you just speak to me in??......tamil?!?!......Punjabi?!!......Some bloody hip hop bangla styled slang??!........Kiss my kundi you unhelpful kunji munji!!!!!

After doing the survey.....I reached home at 7pm....took a shower and went straight to work...at 7.25....going through all the forms and typing all the data in the survey template on an excel worksheet and was getting all my friends and even my primary 4 cousin to do my e-mail surveys to meet my deadline on wednesday.....finished every damn thing at 2 am and collapsed straight onto my bed.......yes...collapsed straight on my bed....like Tony Leung in Wu Jian Dao after he got shot through his head....

Another significant thing that happened during the week was My GrandFather getting a fever...... an old person having fever is quite serious compared to a younger person getting a fever......now If I got sick?I would just rest at home and sleep through the fever....no need to even visit the doctor....but because older people have weak heart rates..diabetes and basically weaker organs and immune system,etc... having a fever means a mandatory 3-4 day stay at least at a hospital for sure....poor thing....

So I went with my parents to visit my Grand father on wednesday.........had to wear stupid face masks before entering the room because the nurses were afraid that we would pass harmful germs to my grandfather..........My Grandfather seemed pretty okay...maybe just a little blur blur...but he seemed to be quite comfortable in his room......cos he was staying at the top floor of Tan Tock Seng Hospital where all the first class,deluxe rooms were located.....so he had a fully air-conditioned room,two televisions and his own private nurse at his beck and call.........I stayed there for just 5 mins and I did'nt want to leave liao.......it was better than my room man... Its was like the Shang gri la of hospital wards......

The head Nurse came into My grandfather's room a short while after we arrived......and she was complaining to my Grand father...she said that My Grandf ather wasn't making use of his personal nurse at all for the entire day.......and that he should call for the nurse for the smallest things like getting a drink or for stuff like bathing him.....when My Grand father heard that....his eyes widened and he kep shaking his head....hahha......he did'nt want no nurse bathing him cos very pai seh.......he told us that the last time he was warded....he saw some really old cheeky guys letting the nurse bathe them.....He said in hokkien"So old liao...one leg in coffin...still dunno how to behave......still wanna be so cheeky!!"....hahhaha....everyone in the room was laughing at him.....

My Grand father is a real cute character.......he's someone who will never turn down any offer of food.....plus he's very very nice and sweet-tempered....heck...I dun think he even have any temper at all.....my Grand mother on the other hand is the no-nonsense type, quite fierce and has been scolding and nagging at him for decades....but I never seen him get angry before........plus he helps out my Granny with the house work,cooking and does all the marketing for her..hahah...what a great spouse.....

I remembered once while My father's car was turning into my Grandparent's house in Bishan.... we saw my Grand father sitting at the door steps of the Salavation Army located in front of his house......quietly sipping a packet of Coke. So we stopped the car and asked My Grand pa why in the world was he drinking outside the house when the house was like a few steps away.........he said that he hasn't drank Coke for a long time liao cos My Grand Mother will nag and scold if he takes sweet or cold drinks...so he bought himself a packet of Coke on his way back from the market....he was finishing it up before he went home....and he told us dun breathe a word to my Grand mother cos she's gonna nag him to death...hahahaha...so cute..

Hope My Grand Father gets well soon........everytime he gets a fever....he will be a little blur for a while and it take him a few weeks to get back to his usual self.........haiz..

3 days of the week left.......gotta spend my time preparing my E-marketing tutorial and my IBS second call........Marketing course is damn sian...maybe I would have been better off drawing still objects and nude models in Laselle.......to think I gave up drawing nude models to study under such "babes" like Koh Poh Tee,Wong Yoke Kuan and Florence Chia......darn it!!

Tumultous Thursday

2004-08-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

Ah....interesting week this has been for me........

Yesterday I went Ice-skating with Felix and Huiling.....Felix has been wanting to go roller-blading and we decided to do it this week while everybody was free...so anyways we were brainstorming on where to go and I suggested that we go ice skating instead........its not only similar to roller-blading but you dun have to sweat like hell cos the ice skating ring is nice and frosty.....

You should have seen me man...I was like a swan....gliding on the ice like Snow white in the Disney on Ice show!!Haha...alright so that might be exaggerating abit....but I was surprised that I could still ice-skate pretty well and haven't forgotten any moves...because the last time I went ice-skating was like 9 years ago in 1995.......Can you believe it....1995...That's a real long time ago.......a time before I even had hair on my body!!

Huiling and Felix....well.......as far as ice-skating goes........they....how do I put it in a nice way......They suck!!! Hahha.....Huiling was holding on to the freaking support rail like her life depended on it and Felix was slightly better... he was able to move faster than her and was less dependent on the rails.....but then also damn chiar lat......wah lau...not only fell several times but even made a girl fall with him..........heard she's doing ok now.....she's merely suffering from multiple fractures, paralyzed from the waist down and in a coma....hahaha

Spent like 3 hours skating before we stopped cos the stupid skating shoes were damn tight and killing our feet........all in all not a bad way to spend a wednesday....It was fun skating again and watching Huiling and Felix move on the ice like quadraplegic patients from the Ren Ci hospital......haha....amateurs.....

As for Today.....well I gotta say....it's been a colorful day......had to go back at school to do my IS projects......and there was a unfortunate confrontation between me and my friend....Loud Mouth Junz(LMJ)!!

Ok....if you're thinking it was some sort of showdown like the one I had with Poop Face......or that after scolding Poop Face,I've lost my mind and started confronting every girl I know or that there was slapping involved.......well you would be disppointed. It wasn't a big fight or what lar....I just told her off .......told her off in a harsher than usual tone......I know you folks out there are disappointed that there wasn't any slapping involved.....well maybe next time.....

Here's how it all began.......we were supposed to meet at 12pm for our IS project......ok so I went to school at 10 am to pick up my market research survey authorisation letter and waited for two hrs in school to do the project at 12.....Huiling arrived then Felix.So Loud Mouth Junz was late........which is fine...since everybody including me has been late for project meetings from time to time.....apparently Huiling was supposed to give her a morning call but she did'nt and LMJ woke up late.......and she was pissed that Huiling did'nt call her up and she was late......although like I said...that was fine and nobody was gonna blame her or whatever....since almost everybody in the group shows up late for projects on a frequent basis.....

So anyway LMJ showed up later......with a really pissed off and unhappy look......basically giving off a pretty hostile vibe. The thing is when someone shows up for a project looking all unhappy and stuff......it's a genuine mood killer lar......I mean the when all of us saw her in one of her bad moods again.....the entire atmosphere just suddenly died.......

Seeing her in one of her moods like that...... just turned the whole thing in a very weird and uncomfortable situation with an air of awkwardness and cautiousness to the situation.....haiz....you know everybody's like sian 1/2 liao, looking at each other, keeping a low profile,avoiding any eye contact with her.......wondering when is she gonna blow her top..........a few minutes ago,everybody was laughing and stuff and you know...now it was like things took a 360 degrees turn.....for the worse.

Aiyah so anyway.....she just keeps quiet, maintains that angry look and went over to Huiling's side and starts narrating a bunch of stuff, correcting sentence structure and stuff....then she told me my sentence structure was wrong and stuff....and I explained to her that It was not wrong and that the sentence she said means basically the same thing as mine,but just phrased differently...so she started getting agitated lor....and talking really loudly( Maybe she was unaware...but her voice at that time was really quite loud...a lot of pple looking at our table some more) So I told her quite softly : " Oi.....ur damn noisy leh."

So That Fella stormed off angrily........haiz....went to buy herself some Yong Tau Foo with chilli and came back with an even more pissed off look......wow man then some of her Yong Tau foo's chilli splattered on Huiling's notes.....and she stared angrily at me and asked for tissue....like I had anything to do with the chilli splattering on the notes.So Naturally Huiling and Felix were not very pleased with the whole situation lar....but they kept quiet about it,nobody wanted to say anything.....just bury themselves in our lap tops......avoid any eye contact and simply typing away quietly....

Fine......I would have to be the bad guy......I would have to voice out what the project mates did'nt dare to......nobody wanted to offend her or voice out what they think but somebody had to clear the air...So I told her lar.....in a harsher tone that everything really started off on a bad foot cos she arrived for the meeting with this really pissed off attitude and a chip on her shoulder.....

Then of course, LMJ argued loudly lor.........blaming Huiling for not waking her up, saying her alarm clock is spoilt and she did'nt want to to bother her parents and Maid cos Huiling only informed her about the project meeting at 2 am in the morning and all of them were already in bed....but if I remembered correctly we told her about it on tuesday night in msn for the first time,then again on wednesday afternoon in msn once again......but she did'nt reply to what we said......merely typing "shhhhhhh....I'm busy"

So she continues.......saying that she was going to say the exact same things that I had spent so long coming up with if I had'nt made her storm off and also that She was no longer angry with Huiling but now she was angry with me for saying she's damn noisy and I should have phrased it in a nicer way by asking her to lower her volume..........okay....

The thing is......If I take the hard approach and tell her that she's damn noisy....which I did.......I'm being harsh to her....But If I take the softer approach and tell her to lower down her volume.....I'm gonna get yelled at by her. So what in the world should I do........neither soft nor hard approaches is gonna work with her........try to be more stern...I'm harsh, Try to talk nicely....it's gonna backfire on me and I'm gonna get yelled at instead...

I did what I felt was most logical lar......sweet talking with her or talking nicely is only gonna get me yelled at......and a person doesn't know or may be unaware of how loud they're being when they're angry......so I just be honest and direct with her and tell her she's damn noisy lor....not in a harsh tone at all mind you....you know Honesty is the best policy....and for that she got angry...

Come to think of it telling her she's damn noisy in a soft manner is not very harsh at all.....I mean how the heck can it be harsher than guys getting yelled at and scolded by a girl in a public place with lots of people looking? Sure telling a girl she's damn noisy might hurt her pride alittle......but for guys to sit there and get scolded and yelled at by a girl,without retaliating.......that doesn't hurt their pride......no it means they just have to swallow every morsel of pride they have in order to prevent themselves from blowing up at the girl. Luckily Me and my friend Felix....well we've had a lot of practice,we've been swallowing our pride more frequently then we have swallowed M&M chocolates...hahhaha......so we dun get too worked up when we're yelled at...even if its in public places........such tolerant and humble memebrs of the male species you'll never find again.....

See The above example proves my point: when Somebody comes for a project,pissed off,in a bad mood and with a mores hostile than usual attitude.......things are gonna go downhill, get bad to worse for everybody.See on a normal day,If I tell LMJ she's damn noisy.....which I do by the way everytime I see her.....she's not going to get too worked up and angry. But on an occasion like this,when she's pissed......the smallest thing is going to set her off...........see when you come in all angry and pissed off......whether you're conscious or not.....you're gonna be damn on edge....waiting to vent....waiting to bite off someone's head for doing something.............and this creates a damn somber mood for everybody, cos everybody is gonna be sweating bullets...waiting for that person to blow her top....

Not a very conducive working environment or good situation for anyone to do a project in...is it? Now in my case......I never turn up for a project pissed off at everybody or in a bad mood.....NEVER.Even if I had a damn shitty day, I haven't slept all night or I was angry at something or another........I turn up for my projects in my usual normal mood........my anger is not gonna be bottled up or passed on to whichever pitiful soul that crosses me.The reason is simple, Firstly I have had a bad day myself....and the last thing I wanna do is just make everybody else have a bad day like me....cos I know how lousy having a bad day feels....and secondly I know that doing a project is already sian enough.....and letting everybody see me having a pissed off look and black face is just gonna meet everyone even more sian......I'm always such a considerate Person dammit!!!

So anyway this arguement continues for a while more and I told her fine....I would edit the entire project if I had to.......and she stormed off again angrily, for a second time....straight back home........but anyway since she arrived all angry and pissed off....I gotta say I could have predicted somthing like this was gonna happen sooner or later during that day.......I guess it won't be so bad.....LMJ can just have some time to cool off and think about things on her own...and for the project team, even though we were one man short....the entire mood was more relaxed after that and nobody had to be nervous and so on edge liao...and working on the project would be much easier despite the heavier workload.

After all was said and done...everybody in the group felt damn sian and lousy about this situation....but what can you do about it?...you know...as they say in the Good old Us of A...."shit happens." .......haiz.......

On a Lighter note........I finally bought My Dark Knight Returns figures today!!! They are so well sculpted and look damn nice on my drawing table!! For those of you who don't know what Dark Knight Returns....well I guess that's everybody....its my favorite Batman story Ever and it came out in 1989,chronicling the Batman's final case........in this story Batman is this huge,mysterious legendary figure who's come out of his ten year retirement in order to save his city one last time as the whole world is plunged into crime and thermonuclear war with the Soviets. So anyway his reappearance have rekindled the public's fighting spirit,inspiring normal everyday people to take control of their own lives and not just be helpless victims to all the crime and violence they experience daily.....his comeback has also sparked debate whether he's actually being a criminal for taking the law into his own hands or if he's a symbol of the rebirth of the American fighting spirit...........so to cut a long story short, Batman becomes this really huge political liability as many people think he is as bad as the criminlas he brings in...and the President sends his number one man to take Btaman down.....Superman.The Story ends with this huge battle between this two good friends in the street where Batman parents died.....and one of them doesn'nt make it out alive.

Check it out in the library or what man.....its good stuff, It changed everyone's perception of Batman from being the stupid,corny,lame and campy Adam West Batman in the 1960's tv show to this huge,cool,scary,no-nonsense Figure in black that he is today....although It scared the crap out of me when I first read it when I was 9 yrs old......a Female Robin, a mass murdering homosexual Joker, A prostitute catwoman, a crippled communist Green arrow, A government lapdog Superman....and a huge,scary,old and almost psychotic Batman......scary stuff.......I threw the book into a shoebox in my parent's shop and it would be like 6 years later before I dared to read it again.......now I love it though.......I finally undertand all the political and philosophical stuff in the book......

$95 bucks for 4 figures...........good stuff......that's one of the perks of being Single....you can indulge yourself and spend large amounts of money on what you want every once in a while without feeling guilty about it....hahaha

Well....gonna spend the remainder of the week doing my stupid market research door to door survey and watch new Ling Jia Xin VCDs I bought from TS Shop..........3 for $9.90 only...so cheap......Ling Jia Xin.......wow that girl is just too cute for words......this weekend it'll be just me, a television screen with her face on it and a nice bottle of Yakult..........hahaha

The Stepford Scam

2004-08-21T15:41:00.000+08:00

Finally handed in my Marketing Communication project yesterday........Lucky for her, Poop Face was as meek as a tranquilised kitten yesterday and handed up her 1 puny 1 pg Ad.....FINALLY. So once this project is out of the way.....I have the whole of next week free and it'll be some time before my next project with her is due.....so finally I am beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel.....

Oh and I found out that one of my project mates has heard absolutely horrible stories about Poop Face too and her tolerance level, I've heard from her personnally, is much much much lower than mine(Eeeexcellent!!). During my make-up tutorial yesterday, we had to discuss one of the questions as a group and as usual Poop Face wasn't even speaking.....instead she just spent a Fricking Half hour staring at the blank whiteboard.....so the project mate I mentioned, asked her:" **** ****, can you PLS give us some answers?".......Poopface looked at her blankly,mumbled that she did'nt do the question and continued her white board staring.......so my project mate threw her own bag on the floor angrily,kicked it and slamed her hand on the table........and looked damn pissed,Poopface simply ignored her and continued keeping quiet.......I on the other hand was all smiles.....I finally found a potential ally in my endless battle with poop face and her shittiness.......Yes....yes....the light at the end of the tunnel seems to grow even brighter now..hahaha

After my Tutorial, I met Huiling and another friend.......Loud Mouth Junz......we were going to town to catch a movie. Finally some entertainment!! I thought to myself..... I was going to be able to sit back and just enjoy watching the new action movie "Aliens VS Predator".....2 hrs of shooting,killing,chestbursters,explosions and alien intestines flying in every direction....Finally my repressed anger about Poop Face could be released, I was going to mentally place Poop Face's face on every alien that got shot to bits and pieces..... Good stuff!!

I was mistaken......instead of getting gore,Blood and guts.....I got Sugar and Spice and everything nice: "The Stepford wives".Loud Mouth Junz was dead set on watching the Stepford wives.....and she made it clear that I was'nt gonna be catching any alien action yesterday...haiz......so after her usual noise and giving me her classic "evil eye" .....being the accomodating and passive person I was and also to save the people around us from further noise pollution...I agreed to watch the Stepford wives(Reluctantly I might add..) I told them it was gonna be a lousy chick flick......

Turned out I was right......the Stepford wives is one of the dumbest, pointless and crappiest movies I watched all year. The story was basically about a small,exclusive area of connecticut called Stepford...where rich and influential couples stayed at. So basically all the male spouses in the movie are geeks and losers who feel inferior to their powerful,commandeering wives...all of whom are successful business women. So all the husbands with the help of Mike(played by the wonderful Christopher Walken) decide to turn their overbearing wives into gentle,docile and obedient robots complete with built-in nano chips in their brains and boob enlarging and cash dispensing features,controlled by 24 carat god remote controllers.......the only funny parts in the movie involved The Flamboyant Gay Replubican in the movie and Glen Close doing her best impression of a goddamn washing machine....yes.....the movie was That LAME.

The only thing I agreed with in the movie is that some women.....I'm not naming names, particulary the kind who have black hair,fair skin,wear specs,damn noisy and fierce and have the surname "Chua" should have nano chips implanted in them so......so that they would be docile and most importantly quiet.....imagine me being able to press the mute button on a remote control whenever I had enough noise from her.....how...how.......peaceful.

So when I finally got back home......I saw my Dad in the living room,I had told him earlier during the day that I was gonna be watching Alien VS Predator after we both saw the TV commercial for the movie when we were watching TV in the living room. So My dad asked me :" So How was the Alien VS Predator movie huh?"......I muttered:"........ok....wow feel damn sticky,I wanna go and take a bath Dad!!"

Thanks to my dear friend,Loud Mouth Junz...I had been subjected to other horrible chick flicks before like "Love Actually" and "Mean Girls" .......so I'm sad to say.."The Stepford Wives" wasn't my virgin chick flick.........hell If I had told My Father I watched all those chick Flicks stated Above, he would have thought His second son had gone completely GAY or something!!.........better to suffer in silence, take a long hot bath and wash away all the shame.......I feel......*S0B*.....*SOB*..........I feel so.....unclean.

Showdown with...Poop Face!!

2004-08-16T23:20:00.000+08:00

So Poop Face had this coming for a damn loooooong time......finally...I gave her a bloody piece of my mind today.....and it feels GGGGGGGGreat!!

Now I have always tried to be as patient,helpful and accomodating to the opposite sex as I possibly can.....I do believe that Guys should generally treat girls better than how they would treat their male friends. I have never shouted,scolded,lost my temper at or do anything bad to a female for as long as I can remember, nor would I want to,if given the chance. . But I broke my 19 year old "no scolding girls" record today........and Poop Face was the deserving recipient of my wrath.

Poop Face is just absolutely , positively the most terrible project mate I have ever encountered in my life. She's not a team player at all and prefers doing nothing and just be a free rider in all group projects. She doesn't contribute more than 3 sentences in EVERY project meeting and always does the most minimal and useless portion of every project.The bloody excuses she give for not doing her work are so bloody lame.........."I dunno....I really dunno!!!"....she thinks that all the rest of her project mates were born super intelligent and with Business studies diplomas attached to their umbilical cords.Also She can't bring her laptop for projects and won't lift a finger at all to do projects on weekends because she says that both her home PC and laptop have simultaneously been infected with viruses and she has no internet access......and she's been using that excuse since year 1.

Wow.....but somehow her virus filled laptop with no internet access, is miraculously free of problems whenever the teacher wants us to bring our lap tops for individual e-tutorials and quizes in class and when she has to hand in online assignments by herself...........such an individualist with only her own interests in mind...haiz

But those are not the worst things about her.....the worst thing is........her face. Jesus Christ almighty.......her face is always blacker than the leftover ash from burnt hell notes.....and she always behaves and acts like she's so damn miserable and have the weight of the whole world on her shoulders..........haiz.... I really don't understand how come some girls can be so lifely,so infectious and so likable while some girls can be the total opposite......lifeless,moody and incredibly unlikable.

So anyways, Today my class had a Market research meeting where we had to discuss the design of our questionaire as a class. So I went to class and asked Poopface how was her progress on the part of the MACOM project that was due on the coming friday. It turns out the the bloody simple one page advertisement that she had to do was not complete because instead of doing the ad,she passed it to her friend and told him to do it for her and because he doesn't know what exactly she wants ....he produced some completely screw up and irrelevant ad that could not be used. I gave her TWO freaking weeks to do a 1 page ad......and still she could'nt do it....amazing...

The Macom proejct consisted of a Creative Background section,a Creative Brief section, a TV advertisement that had to be storyboarded and a simple one page print ad. what basically happened was I narrated practically the entire four page creative background and creative brief in our project discussion because she simply refused to contribute anything worthwhile.....and I told her I will come up with the entire idea for tv ad and do all the storyboards too....all she needed to do for this entire project was to come up with a 1 page ad......I gave her two weeks to do that........and that numb nuts still could'nt do it.....

She told me that she passed the dsign of the ad to her friend,who did'nt know what to do and produced a irrelevant and unusable ad. Then she said her famous catch phrase to me again:" I dunno....I really dunno how to design the ad with computer." Then she said that the other group was gonna draw out the ad by hand and that we should do that too..........so what she basically means is that in addition to me having to do the creative brief and background and storyboards, I also had to do the 1 pg ad since she "really dunno" how to do it.........so basically I had to do the entire bloody project by my own while she does....hmmmmm....Nothing!!!

Now there's a big difference between being nice to a girl and being dumb. Doing the creative brief and background and doing the entire tv ad storyboard while she did only the 1 page ad was already me trying to be as bloody accomodating and nice as humanly possible.......but doing the entire project,while she does nothing and get equal marks is not being nice that's being Goddamn stupid.So I told her...."I'm sorry, I'm damn bloody busy with the storyboards and editing of the project....and I already gave you two weeks,so by hook or by crook.....get the ad ready by wednesday or latest by thursday."

So what happens....she get pissed off that I refused to do her part and asked her to do what she's supposed to do 2 weeks ago......so she gives me this super black face and says " I know must finished by wednesday!!....OKAY....I already say I will settle the print add OK, what more you want? in a manner like i gave her the most gaoddamned diffcult job in the world and that she's the super important team member that I'm depending on.......... I will be damned if I do basically almost the entire project and let her lose her temper and give me that type of stupid attitude for not doing her part......

Kanina Bei %*%&@@*!! Bloody Goddamned wanking,mother F**king, daughter of a a bloody dickless,satanic chicken rapist's bollocks!!!!Chou Niar mer!!!!Makan Tayik lu Bar Butoh!!!Kunji Munji Para Chee suni!!!!!

If I did'nt give her a piece of my mind then and there....I might as well just cut off both my nuts,fly to thailand and Join the Bangkok Lady boys!!...cos I would be a damn sissy!!If She did'nt do her work and was nice and apologetic....I would still be fine,but if she did'nt do her work and gave me this kind of dumb attitude.....then NO MORE MR. NICE GUY!!!

So I turned over to Poop Face who was sitting behind me,looked her dead in the eyes and said in a no-nonsense tone:"Lets go out of class now.....I want to have a talk with you."

She went out.......and I told her:" what excactly do you want to do for the project...TELL ME."......."We're behind schedule and your still not done with the simple 1 page ad that I gave you two weeks ago....Two weeks ago!!"

So she just gave me that bloody black face and said"I got do what...I told my friend to help me do the ad...what else you want?!......I said "Your friend?You gave your work to your friend so what about you.....what part are you going to do?Stop being so bloody dependent on people, doing nothing but depending on your friend and me!!

That bloody Poop face still continued argueing:"as long as I can pass up the ad do you, why do you care whether my friend do or wat?!"..."I already told you that The ad I will settle Okay....What Else do you want??!..........there was that bloody attitude of hers again and (keep in mind although I was talking in a louder and annoyed tone...I wasn't shouting...while she was raising her voice like I owed her a living) .......So I returned the favor.

I shouted at her in the harshest tone I had( I'm sorry Mom and Dad...you told me that I should never treat girls badly...but then both of you never told me such beeyotches existed.) I said:
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU RAISING YOUR VOICE FOR?DO YOU SEE ME RAISING MY BLOODY VOICE AT YOU.......YOU'RE ANGRY?WHAT BLOODY RIGHT YOU HAVE TO BE ANGRY....I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE ANGRY........I DID ALMOST THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED PROJECT...THE CREATIVE BRIEF,THE STORY BOARDS ...EVERYTHING....AND I SIMPLIFIED THE PROJECT AND GAVE YOU THE MOST EASY PART POSSIBLE......SIMPLE ONE PAGE AD AND YOU HAD TWO WEEKS TO DO IT AND STILL YOU SCREWED IT UP!!!!"

You should have seen me scolding her man......I was on fire man!!!...I was super cool!......like Andy Lau,Louis Koo,Tony leung and Simon Yam all combined together....I was the toughest mofo on the business block!!!no one messes with me!!

So after my angry outburst......she was kinda taken a back and she shut her bloody mouth nice and tight.then I asked her "Tell me what are you going to do...NOW!"

That sucker said that she would have the completed print ad ready by tonight,10 pm and she would send me the ad via e-mail......Wow suddenly her voice was so nice and soft like a kitten,suddenly she knew how to design the poster,suddenly she knew how to do her part,suddenly her computer had no more viruses and her wireless card could work again and she could send me an e-mail.....it's really amazing what a little shouting can do for you.....

Poopface is the type who "eat hard,don't eat soft" while I'm the type who "eat soft,dun eat hard".She needs people to be bloody fierce and mean to her before she is willing to work......while in my case, if you're nice and talk nicely......... I will be twice as nice to you,if you wanna be horrible andrude...and I'll be ten times worse.

I told her that I hope so for her sake and that she had better print out a full color copy of the finalised ad and show it to me on wednesday.Poop Face is a christian right?Well if she doesn't show me what I want to see on wednesday....may her God have mercy on her....because I won't.I promise if she screws up again........today is gonna be nothing compared to what I'll do to her on wednesday......

Yes...I know.I'm the coolest guy in NP.....please hold the applause....and I'll be happy to sign any autographs that any of you people want........

I have a simple question though............Why oh why...in the world am I stuck with Poop face as a classmate?What have I ever done to deserve her?.......I have always been helpful,accomodating and pleasant to the opposite sex and I have never done anything bad to a girl in my life....please if you can hear me up there......please get rid of Poopface for me.I know I am not a religious person and I don't attend church.....but if you happen to read my blog,or you're up there...........please help me.....Superman.I don't ask for too much........death by lightning strikes, gas main explosion or choking on a fishball would be good enough.........

I'm really at my wit's end nowadays...I dunno what to do with poop Face.......haiz...she's not only miserable herself...she makes everyone around her miserable.If anyone have any suggestions, or if you're a professional assassin or gun for hire who kills for money.......please just drop me a msg on msn or something.

Wo Lau Hu bu far wei,dang wo shi ping mao!!!!.......that will teach you a lesson Poop face!!!Now that I finally scolded Poop face....what should I do next? Maybe I will finally slap my friend who's been daring me to slap her over and over again......I can't state her name here or she might start scolding me when I see her.....so lets just call her "Loud mouth Junz" (haha....she'll never know its her!!..hahaha)......yeah....I'm the toughest dude in Np now......fear me!!!

"Creative PMS"

2004-08-15T12:29:00.000+08:00

I've a confession to make.......I am currently suffering from "Creative PMS".

Its a period where I get cranky and have weird mood swings(that range from sad to sadder)whenever I finish drawing a piece of artwork or don't draw at all and where my creative juices seem to be flowing out of me....drop by drop. So its like female PMS....you know, only without the icky part and anything actually flowing out....of me....oh and it does'nt come once a month,it lasts anywhere from 1 month to a year.

I've noticed a negative trend in my drawing nowadays.......I have to spend at least 2 weeks to a month completing a single A4 Size drawing from start to finish and I'm NEVER satisfied with a single piece of artwork I've drawn,after completing it........its only two or three months later,when I can look back at a piece of drawing and think "Hey....it's not so bad after all"

Gone are the days when I'm able to sit on my butt for 9 hrs a day(usually from 10 pm to about 6 or 7 am...I work best at night) and just complete a page of fully rendered artwork every day for an entire month.....and be satisfied with the work I've produced.

Nowadays......I spend so damn long on a single page of art, it takes me like 1 week to do do the planning of the drawing, produce hundreds of different rough sketches and identify one i'm happy with, it takes me another 2 weeks to slowly and meticulously draw the final artwork in pencil( I pencil bits and pieces of the artwork for like 1-2 hrs a day) and it takes me another week to ink the entire drawing extremely carefully.......every line must be perfect, the slightest flaw or mistake will annoy me to no end...

You See, there's a difference between the opinion of someone looking at the arwork with an untrained eye and the opinion of the person who draws it......I can show any person on the street a general piece of my artwork and chances are,they would think it is pretty well done......but then to the person(me) who actually spends a month drawing the piece of work.....every single flaw and mistake that is made in the artwork is super evident and glaring to me,especially during the period when the artwork has just been completed......sad man....

Luckily for me, I've found some "Creative tampons" to re-absorb the creative juices flowing out during my "Creative PMS"........below are a list of my favorite artists' websites and looking at ttheir artwork or books really fires me up and make me feeling like drawing my butt off once again....

Bruce Timm- Creative director of the Batman and Justice League animated series:

http://www.popcultureshock.com/timm/

Neal Adams- The definitive Batman artist and one of the older and best comicbook artist ever:

http://www.nealadams.com/Sketches/batman.html

Alex Ross- The best comics painter in the industry...accept no substitutes:

http://www.alexrossart.com/archives.html

Jim Lee- The most popular artist in the industry at this point in time:

http://groups.msn.com/artofjimlee/gallery.msnw

All of them are different but heckuva good.....haiz...If I have 1/3 of any of their artistic abilities, I would be one happy, hairy chinese mofo!!

Still I suppose I should'nt feel too sad, No one else in the World would be creative enough to think of using stuff like PMS,tampons and somehow relate and use them in a discussion about art and creativity ....no one but ME!!!

I'm the most creative crapper in the world....Period.

HAHHAHA....there I go again.....

Meet The Parents

2004-08-11T20:27:00.000+08:00

Busy week it has been.......two projects to hand up this week and one more to hand up next week........Guess who I'm gonna do my project with next week?Yup you guessed it.....Poop face.

I'm absolutely overjoyed that I have to see poop face during my study week next week..... so incredibly,unbelievably,positively delighted at seeing that walking "solar eclipse for a face".My heart is filled with so much joy and happiness.....that right now,I could eat an extra large packet of tasty mothballs and wash it down with a nice jug of dynamo detergent......

Spent my weekend interviewing my dad for my service management project and for my two classmates, because they could'nt find any sales manager in time.Being the kind,generous and downright wonderful soul that I am, Of course I agreed to help my two classmates....let's just call them Gniliuh and Ydnac respectively......dammit...that's little bit obvious huh...Ah Forget it!!! just call them Huiling and Candy!!!hahaha....

So I was supposed to get one of my uncles to help one of them with the interview, but then he went overseas I think and so I could'nt get him for the interview.....so three of us were all gonna end up interviewing one person, my dad.So Huiling sent me her list of 6 questions and later on Candy sent me her list of questions to my e-mail account.....she messaged me to inform me about it and I messaged "Ok....your welcome" backto her before looking at her list of questions.........she had 30 questions!!Jesus Christ Almighty........I nearly fainted and let out a big "DAMMIT!!" when I saw the two pages of questions......because I was gonna have a hard time explaining to my dad how my 8 interview questions swelled up to Almost 50 questions(30+6+ 12)

Originally I told my dear old dad that I was gonna interview him and I had about 8 questions, then after that I told him another friend of mine wanted to interview him too(the other would be interviewing my uncle at first) but then the uncle thing did'nt work out so I had to pluck up my courage and inform my dad that there were gonna be 3 interviews and 50 questions and that he would probably have to be looking at me instead of watching the National day parade for the next 2 hrs....here's an excerpt of the conversation we had(All material are Reprinted with-out the approval of the Mr and Mrs Tan):

Me:" Dad.....I'm gonna do the interview now ok?"

Dad;"Ok...how many questions you're asking?....I want to watch the NDP parade on tv."

Me:" Uhhhh...... ..fifty."

Dad:" FIFTY?! I thought you said 8 questions and another 8 for your friend?That's 16 questions,boy...not 50!"

Me:" Yar...but you see there's been a small change....now there are gonna be three people who want to interview you and 50 questions to answer."

Dad:" From 1 person and 8 questions to 3 people and 50 questions? !You know you're really very troublesome and damn kaypoh!!

Me:" No choice......oh and I also need name cards and information on your company background dad."

Dad:" Mum!!Your dear son want to ask me 50 questions......the Prime minister of Singapore, Goh Chok Tong is having his final National Day Parade and I can't watch it in peace now"

Mum" Boy ar you're always doing last minute work, why you only doing the interview now...you should have done it a long time ago....you're forever like that.."

Me: "Sorry....but I have to hand up my project this week....mum.........*(Gives big,sad,pitiful,watery big bambi eyes expression to my mother)*

Mum:" Aiyar ok lar......Dad!Just do the interview quickly lar you can still catch the NDP....and there will be retelecast what.."

Dad:"Arrrrrrr....ok!!faster lar.....your mum huh whole life helping you......what questions you want to ask?"

Aaahhhhhh.....Nice to know that my old childhood tricks still work on my wonderful mother...Well at least the SM project will be over in two days and once I hand up the Macom project next friday......I will have two weeks of holidays for the first time in a long,long time........so the old saying is indeed true....."There's a silver lining(Two weeks holidays) between every dark cloud (Poop Face)."

Birthday Babble

2004-08-09T00:24:00.000+08:00

It's August the eight My Mother's birthday!!

Anyway this year, I thought I would do something different for her, rather than give her a cook book for her birthday like I have done for the past half a decade or so.......because firstly me giving my mum a cook book for her birthday again is pretty cliche and stale and secondly because my mum never ever cook any of the dishes featured in the cookbooks I've given her, she only reads through them every year and says"Someday I'll cook so and so Dish for you...." and Guess What? It's been 5 years Mum and I'm still waiting for your sheperd's pie.....oh and the crab meat fried rice...oh and the sweet and sour soup ...oh,oh and not forgetting the pasta dishes you promised to cook...

So after wrecking my head for a week, I still could'nt think of anything that would be suitable for my mum and that would be in my budget as well.I mean...sure,I know my mum love diamonds and stuff,what female doesn't?But I would probably have to sell a gallon of blood and a limb or major organ or two to be able to buy anything with diamonds in them.Then it hit me... I would buy her lunch at some fancy restaurant on her birthday because not only was this more practical, my mum could choose whaever she wanted to have and I did'nt have to try and read her mind to decide what she likes......so I brought her to the newly renovated Jack's Place at Bukit Panjang Plaza.

Now Jack's place used to be a pretty respectable restuarant back in the old days(circa 1980-early 1990s) and my family would patronise the place on special like birthdays and etc.....although the standard of the place has dropped over the years....it remains a sentimental favorite of my family's...so I thought it would be a suitable Choice. Anyways..... I had the steak with Mushroom sauce and Lobster Bisque whil My mum ordered the grilled bonless chicken with barbeque sauce and seafood chowder and I even threw in a half dozen of expensive,high grade escargots to sweeten the deal....then the bill came and let's just say I would have to work 3 back breaking days in F&N to be able to afford that meal.....but being the generous and filial son I was, I foot every cent of the bill and even left a 40 cents tip for the waitress....my generosity is boundless....

At the end of the day, My Mum received a Ice-cream cake from Swensens courtesy of my brother, a handphone worth $700 bucks from my dad and a lunch treat from me....not too shabby I guess...

Two days ago I recived an sms from my F&N colleague and my friend,Gavyn's crush(One of the 100 others..hahaha)...Jamie.Jamie is a really small and petite girl.....a really nice fella who's fun to crap with(she's damn funny when she's stressed.....she walks around the office, mumbling "Growl..Growl" like like mad tiny tiger cub..) So anyways she says that she misses me and my crapping and just basically checking on how I'm doing nowadays,etc.....Its been 7 weeks since I left F&N and I probably would'nt have bothered doing something like this....so I thought that was pretty nice and thoughtful of her.......awwwww......(although she was laughing at me when I said I was selling tupperware now)

Still got my Sales Management project to finish........darn it....have to interview my dad tommorrow when we could be out clebrating National Day and having fun outdoors...Growl...Growl..

Random Ramblings

2004-08-07T00:34:00.000+08:00

Thank God its Friday!!!

Wow....quite a good day....been a looooong time since I could wake up late and just relax for an entire day......I miss my slacking days, a day where I can sit down and watch 5 straight hours of TV is a rare occasion nowadays....

Did the tabulation and classification of my Market research survey today,that's due on tuesday.It felt pretty good to get this project behind me.....one down 4 more projects to go.

After doing the project stuff, I went with my parents to Geylang for dinner.....where we stuffed ourselves with durians.Wow man.....the prositution situation is seriously bad nowadays...China prositutes are everywhere!!!they were like at the front and back of our table,when we were eating durians and many others were scattered all over the alleyways. You name it ,Geylang has it....fat,skinny,short,tall,midget,young,old,feminine,manly,blonde,brunette china Pros......but the disppointing thing is.....none of them looked like Zhang Zhiyi......Sad man.....

I also saw the new chinese movie "Throw down" today,featuring Louis Koo, Aaron Kwok and the lovely Cherry lin, Louis Koo's frequent onscreen love interest.

Louis Koo played "Sze To bao" some bloody ex Judo champ turned Bar owner/alcoholic loser.Aaron Kwok played "Tony", some up and coming Judo practitioner who goes around slamming people and challenging fols and Cherry Lin plays a street wise girl who wants to be a singer in Louis koo's Bar.

Lemme just say....THIS MOVIE IS CRAP!!!.....The plot is thinner than Calista Flockhart on a hunger strike and has loads of nonsensical plot elements and characters. The Whole film is so darkly lit that you need infra-red goggles to be able to see Louis Koo on screen.Louis Koo himself,who's normally quite a charming male lead is turned into some washed out loser trained by a bald Judo Master(Who looks alot like my POM lecturer and NP's sun shine Boy...Mr. Robert Yow), He appears half-drunk be it day or night ,throughout the show and he talks with this retaded slur everytime he opens his mouth......not only that but in some bizare movie plot twist,He's going Blind!!!!.......I guess it must be due to soaking in all the UV light in his tanning bed at home.

My verdict?......A waste of $8.90.

Man......I could have spent that money on something more useful...like a chinese Pro or something.....

Me,Myself and.....Poop face

2004-08-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

So.....Let's talk about Poop face.

Had to meet her for one of my projects today,that we are supposed to do together....so we were supposed to meet at Bukit Panjang Plaza at 2 pm...but that sucker came 20 mins late....so I sent her an sms basically asking her to get her ass down to BP Plaza ASAP....

A few mins later, I received an sms from her.....stating that of course she's late because she has to spend a lot of time to "search" for her marketing notes that we need to use for our project discussion. So anyways I was kinda bored and decided to piss her off....so I sent her another SMS telling her that I set up the meeting at 10 am today,she had like 5 bloody hrs to get the notes ready and that her excuse was lame.....

I succeeded in riling her up..hahaha....she sent me another sms....it went something like this" shit lar you....if you are able to get ready so fast, why dun you prepare all the notes and work yourself before meeting up." So anyways I replied saying "We haven't even touched this project....what preparations can I make?But Make sure you open your mouth for the discussion, I don't want to see you just keeping quiet and taking notes...MAKE SURE!!"

Naturally I received no further replies from her.....because she knows as far as project discussions are concerned,i'm the last person she wants to piss off. She's created a situation where she doesn't contribute more than 3 sentences for every 3 hr project discussion.....leaving me to come up with basically all necessary information for the projects......so she knows that she can't piss me off cause I'm basically doing the entire project myself and knows that she can't do the project without MAJOR input from me, while I on the other hand can hold my own without any help from her.

So basically I'm pretty snarky with her nowadays ,because although she's a real free rider cum mood killer cum black faced mofo with a bad attitude.....I don't want to shout at her or just flare up at her because luckily for her she's a girl and secondly i'm doing all my projects with her so seeing her putting on an even blacker face than usual for all future project meetings might make me go "kill Bill" on her pasty ass....

I think I'm justified in being snarky and sarcastic with her.......I mean working with her on all my projects is HELL ....so I have to bust her chops every now and then....cos I need to get my laughs where I can find them ....this being such a crappy situation and all...

I think poop face is gonna be a recurring character on my blog if thsi carries on....so I Promise I won't write anything about her in my next entry......*Crosses fingers....and toes*

Post Numero Uno

2004-08-03T04:25:00.000+08:00

My First post on my incredibly poorly designed Blog!!

I'm serious....the entire blog was ripped off from some basic template,no changes made.....

Actually I'm not sure why I created this blog...but then my IKS lesson with Mr Bernard Randall James( who has a weird man-crush/fixation on Dr. Money)about blogging kinda piqued my interest,I thought it'll be nice to have a nice cosy place to whine and moan about.....well basically every damn thing under the sun....

Case In point: The Tupperware Road show yesterday....

I thought the road show itself was okay, a new experience and it went pass relatively quickly and painlessly....but then being the lucky soul that I was, I was trapped with one of my classmates who has less life in her than a 50 year old corpse.....(I dun like naming ppl and I think its not very nice to give ppl nicknames) so We'll just call her....Poop Face.

Now Poop face is not only the most lifeless individual I've ever encountered, she's also the worst project mate ever.....I'm serious...she's doesn't talk,doesn't contribute jack and just looks at you with a "What the hell is going on?!" expression...Look up the dictionary,you'l find her picture under the definition of the word "Clueless"

The worst thing of all?I'm stuck with her for all my projects and will be subjected to one year of pain and suffering. Seeing her black face everyday is like experiencing a Solar Eclipse,day after day........and guess wat? I'll be meeting her one on one,this wednesday for another project.......happy days ahead...

Now I know why I need a blog to vent.....